I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
