i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
