if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
