Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Too much gin, very little bucket
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
