She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
