Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
