She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so let's talk penis.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
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