Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
