I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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