So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
