only you would photoshop your dick
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
