"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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