dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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