i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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