Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
