I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
