i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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