3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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