Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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