yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
