Sorry, I don't speak sober.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
