alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
