making cat noises will not fix the situation.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
