he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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