your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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