it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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