i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
