Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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