Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
