batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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