The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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