sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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