WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
