Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
