"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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