i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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