fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
