How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
