we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
