i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
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good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
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I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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