Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude i'm inner monologue high
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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