he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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