he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
