Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
