Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
