Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
