just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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