the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
