drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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