He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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