I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
