Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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