I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
