i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
