soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
