I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
