Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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