I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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